Help
I am considering going back to therapy, primarily to work on self esteem, BUT truth be told I don't really see how therapy could help with that paticular issue. I meen, what is the therapist going to do? They may say I am pretty or "not ugly" (which I doubt they would for professional reasons, if for no other reason) or they could try to bring up the beauty is on the inside B.S. that everyone would love to believe. Or they could say somebody worth going out with would like me dispite any flaws which is also not totally true cuz in the beginning, looks are what you are going on. I suppose they could try to get to the root of it if they think is comes from childhood or something like that.
Ok I am drifting way off topic here...has anyone here attempted to recieve therapy for self esteem issues? If you did, was it successful?
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Therapy for Self Esteem Have you ever ... ?
#1
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Posted 07 September 2008 - 07:42 PM
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Posted 08 September 2008 - 01:14 AM
I'll let you know...
I'm down to start a self esteem group next month and I'm feeling quite the same as you are. I dont really see how it's going to help but I'm willing to try anything.
Maybe just have a chat with your doctor about what options there are, it cant hurt.
:hugs: xxx
I'm down to start a self esteem group next month and I'm feeling quite the same as you are. I dont really see how it's going to help but I'm willing to try anything.
Maybe just have a chat with your doctor about what options there are, it cant hurt.
:hugs: xxx
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Posted 08 September 2008 - 05:37 AM
I don't have a Dr anymore...
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Posted 08 September 2008 - 09:38 AM
I'd be interested in hearing how that group goes, too. I know that low self-esteem has been and continues to be a huge issue for me, but I can't quite imagine an effective way to treat it. I have been in individual therapy as well as group therapy where this issue was identified for me by others (I think my response was DUHHHHHH).
Let us know how the group goes.
Merci
Let us know how the group goes.
Merci
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 06:50 AM
Haha Merci! "duuuhhhh"
I am, like you, also wondering how this could be treated. I know that I have helped myself in some areas by going back to school and such but I don't know how to help myself with the part of self esteem that does along with looks. A couple years ago I lost almost 50lbs because I had gained it all the previous year but I still have never finished losing all the weight to be my original size. Also there are some things I can't even work on. I have scars on my face from acne and am still getting acne at 24 years old! I think that this problem eats away at my self esteem like acid and actually causes me to not want to do a lot of things. People like all different body types but nobody likes acne (needless to say). My point being ... there is no "list" I can make of how to reach a goal that will make me feel better in that aspect. I have made lists to accomplish things in the past to help me feel better. *sigh*...
I am, like you, also wondering how this could be treated. I know that I have helped myself in some areas by going back to school and such but I don't know how to help myself with the part of self esteem that does along with looks. A couple years ago I lost almost 50lbs because I had gained it all the previous year but I still have never finished losing all the weight to be my original size. Also there are some things I can't even work on. I have scars on my face from acne and am still getting acne at 24 years old! I think that this problem eats away at my self esteem like acid and actually causes me to not want to do a lot of things. People like all different body types but nobody likes acne (needless to say). My point being ... there is no "list" I can make of how to reach a goal that will make me feel better in that aspect. I have made lists to accomplish things in the past to help me feel better. *sigh*...
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 05:38 PM
i'd like to hear how the group goes, too. i've never been able to feel any better about myself. my therapists try to help, but i just can't buy it. and i think they're lying when they're saying nice things, as if they're laying a trap. my current therapist is on the "you have to love yourself first" and "what you send out into the world is what you're going to get back" trip, and although i understand that theoretically, it's frustrating not to be able to "get" it. i try, but it isn't working.
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Posted 09 September 2008 - 05:53 PM
I know what you mean, indamine. I have a lot of trouble accepting those things that people say to me to try and raise my self esteem. In the case of a therapist, I've actually told them "just because you're TRAINED to say those things to me doesn't mean that I'm going to believe them." That's the part that I just can't get - how to believe that I'm worthy, and loveable, and all of those other things that mean positive self esteem.
I worked with middle school kids for several years - and while my primary role was educational, a lot of the kids we saw (in special ed) were struggling with self esteem issues for various reasons. I don't give myself credit for much, but I was GREAT with them and I know that I helped many of them with self esteem issues. Someone told me once, "think about what you tell your students - and then tell yourself the same thing." I just can't do that - I can't make myself believe that those positive things apply to me.
Yeah...theoretically, I understand what I need to do. But how can I do those things (like loving myself first) when I honestly don't believe I'm capable of that? Everyone has limitations on what they can do - that might just be mine.
My self esteem issues are separate from my depression issues - but they do get intertwined and feed off each other. This is a really interesting thread...I wish I had more answers.
I worked with middle school kids for several years - and while my primary role was educational, a lot of the kids we saw (in special ed) were struggling with self esteem issues for various reasons. I don't give myself credit for much, but I was GREAT with them and I know that I helped many of them with self esteem issues. Someone told me once, "think about what you tell your students - and then tell yourself the same thing." I just can't do that - I can't make myself believe that those positive things apply to me.
Yeah...theoretically, I understand what I need to do. But how can I do those things (like loving myself first) when I honestly don't believe I'm capable of that? Everyone has limitations on what they can do - that might just be mine.
My self esteem issues are separate from my depression issues - but they do get intertwined and feed off each other. This is a really interesting thread...I wish I had more answers.
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Posted 10 September 2008 - 10:34 AM
Ya Merci, I totally understand that! If friends or family tell me Im pretty or something I just think to myself that they are saying it to try and help me out. Nobody is going to look at their friend and say..."ya you are right, you really aren't very good looking and probably a lot of guys don't want to date you because you have acne" because they would be a shitty friend. Like-wise a therapist wont either. The ugliest person in the world could walk in there and they would tell them there is nothing wrong with them and everyone deserves love and to love themselves etc etc. Its generic, its a line they feed you. I actually do think everyone deserves to and has the right to be happy and be loved. I feel more hopefull for other people then myself though. I want to feel good about myself but I can't very well just lie to myself. I think discussing this with you guys is actually nice though. Im glad Im not the only one who feels like they are being handed a bag of crap when people say nice things. Did that come out right? haha Im not *glad* you don't like some things about yourself too but Im glad that Im not alone.
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Posted 13 September 2008 - 06:34 PM
You posted your picture once. I thought you looked really good! Honest opinion.
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Posted 14 September 2008 - 02:31 PM
*hugs* I am going to be starting group for self esteem too in the next couple weeks. Hopefully it helps all of us.
P
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Posted 15 September 2008 - 12:49 AM
Mauve, on Sep 10 2008, 07:34 PM, said:
Ya Merci, I totally understand that! If friends or family tell me Im pretty or something I just think to myself that they are saying it to try and help me out. Nobody is going to look at their friend and say..."ya you are right, you really aren't very good looking and probably a lot of guys don't want to date you because you have acne" because they would be a shitty friend. Like-wise a therapist wont either. The ugliest person in the world could walk in there and they would tell them there is nothing wrong with them and everyone deserves love and to love themselves etc etc. Its generic, its a line they feed you. I actually do think everyone deserves to and has the right to be happy and be loved. I feel more hopefull for other people then myself though. I want to feel good about myself but I can't very well just lie to myself. I think discussing this with you guys is actually nice though. Im glad Im not the only one who feels like they are being handed a bag of crap when people say nice things. Did that come out right? haha Im not *glad* you don't like some things about yourself too but Im glad that Im not alone.
I'm the same. I've been for various counselling things over the years...
I just dont see how talking to someone that suddenly my brain is going to light up and say, of course !!!! why didnt I think of that before !!!
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Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:32 PM
Mauve i totally hear you.
Self-esteem i think is like car alignment - if you mess it up from the factory it doesnt quite get as good as new. What helps mine is actually not therapy - its honest positive feedback and appreciation i get from people in my life. About how they see me as a strong person, how i helped them, how they remember that I can be happy. They remind me that I am important to them. Its a slow thing.. try cognitive-behavioural also.
Self-esteem i think is like car alignment - if you mess it up from the factory it doesnt quite get as good as new. What helps mine is actually not therapy - its honest positive feedback and appreciation i get from people in my life. About how they see me as a strong person, how i helped them, how they remember that I can be happy. They remind me that I am important to them. Its a slow thing.. try cognitive-behavioural also.
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Posted 19 August 2009 - 05:47 PM
I was wondering how this went?
Self-esteem is such an odd issue, things that seem obvious about other people can be so difficult to apply to oneself - when (like I was) you are brought up in a culture that abhors self-recognition as vulgar it is very difficult to be in a position to acknowledge the positive about oneself and after a long time of that feeling dreadful about yourself all other comments feel like platitudes and lies.
Though I would hardly call my self esteem world-class, my first step is recognising the things i do well, and knowing that just because I dont do them perfectly that they are not automatically completely invalid - seeing that they could be better does not mean that they need be written off entirely which seems logical and yet is a hard step to make psychologically. Similarly seeing that other people are more attractive than you in certain ways need not detract from your personal beauty to other people, different features attract people's eyes and more tellingly no matter what you do it is impossible to physically see yourself as an entirety in the way that other people do. Do you find the same things attractive as the people you meet in the street? I doubt it and likewise there will be people who see you so very differently to the way you do, perhaps not those who mouth off, perhaps not those who write magazines or comment on message boards but people out there regardless and no I dont believe that it is necessarily possible for an individual to go round believing in what other people see in them but I do believe we can learn to trust that they are entitled to their opinion and that they might find us attractive, that they might not be wrong - we might not have entirely rational thinking on the point..
Perhaps it is possible not to believe in ourselves but not to entirely distrust other people's belief in us - I grant you they can be so fickle, they let us down and they lie and yet they need not all be bad people and perhaps just sometimes we are outvoted for a reason and if we aren't maybe there are thing about ourselves they can teach us about ourselves, if we cannot believe people perhaps we can learn why they think the way they do and study them for tips.
Self-esteem is such an odd issue, things that seem obvious about other people can be so difficult to apply to oneself - when (like I was) you are brought up in a culture that abhors self-recognition as vulgar it is very difficult to be in a position to acknowledge the positive about oneself and after a long time of that feeling dreadful about yourself all other comments feel like platitudes and lies.
Though I would hardly call my self esteem world-class, my first step is recognising the things i do well, and knowing that just because I dont do them perfectly that they are not automatically completely invalid - seeing that they could be better does not mean that they need be written off entirely which seems logical and yet is a hard step to make psychologically. Similarly seeing that other people are more attractive than you in certain ways need not detract from your personal beauty to other people, different features attract people's eyes and more tellingly no matter what you do it is impossible to physically see yourself as an entirety in the way that other people do. Do you find the same things attractive as the people you meet in the street? I doubt it and likewise there will be people who see you so very differently to the way you do, perhaps not those who mouth off, perhaps not those who write magazines or comment on message boards but people out there regardless and no I dont believe that it is necessarily possible for an individual to go round believing in what other people see in them but I do believe we can learn to trust that they are entitled to their opinion and that they might find us attractive, that they might not be wrong - we might not have entirely rational thinking on the point..
Perhaps it is possible not to believe in ourselves but not to entirely distrust other people's belief in us - I grant you they can be so fickle, they let us down and they lie and yet they need not all be bad people and perhaps just sometimes we are outvoted for a reason and if we aren't maybe there are thing about ourselves they can teach us about ourselves, if we cannot believe people perhaps we can learn why they think the way they do and study them for tips.
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